


Puss in Combat Boots

by cmshaw



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Animal Play, Animated GIFs, Bondage, F/F, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Illustrations, NSFW Art, Roleplay, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:03:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmshaw/pseuds/cmshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein a Model Example of Inter-Agency Cooperation is Complicated by the Fact that Both Agents are Actually Working for the Empress-To-Be in Defiance of Their Current Imperial Duties; containing several arguments between agents (humorous), one secret identity (uncompromised), a dramatic battle (off-screen), involuntary confinement (of short duration), several instance of non-fatal roleplaying (live-action and otherwise), two romantic confessions (flushed), and a red scene which is inappropriate for wigglers under the age of five.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enter Name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LupaDracolis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LupaDracolis/gifts).



  
  


Your hatchname is Nepeta Leijon, but not many people call you that anymore. Your flaysquad bestowed the moniker Halfpint Huntress upon you almost immediately and you decided to accept it once your moirail explained that a pint was an Imperial measure for foamy fermented beverages. You'd rather be a full pint, but Gearhoof convinced you to work up to it after the third time you were disciplined for bar fights. (Your moirail is going by Gearhoof this perigee, but he'll probably change it again soon. You're lucky that your flaysquad's corporal is easy-going about you neophytes and your adult name vacillations; it probably helps luck along that Gearhoof, as his adjutant, is the one who does most of the paperwork.)

Your flaysquad is part of the reaplatoon assigned to the quelling of city #3314 on planet #100413. The local inhabitants call the city Mean Forest but you think it's really quiet and polite. Also, not much like a forest! From the way Gearhoof used to talk about being ruffiannihilators when you grew up you'd expected a lot more claw-to-claw combat than you've seen since surviving basiculling training. There is a forest between the city and the nearest mountains which is much more forest-y and actually mean, which would probably be a lot more interesting if you could get leave to explore it.

> Nepeta: See if there's anything interesting online


	2. Nepeta: See if there's anything interesting online

  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened secure memo  HEY MAYBE WE CAN TRY NOT FUCKING THIS ONE UP JUST ONCE on board  DEFINITELY NOT TR--EASON

CG: OKAY, CALLING ON LEIJON AND PYROPE HERE.  
CG: FUCK IT ALL.  
CG: *THE ANGRY GUY WHO IS JUST RISKING HIS NECK HERE, NO BIG, WAITS TO HEAR FROM THE CAT AND THE DRAGON*  
CG: BECAUSE MAYBE STOOPING TO YOUR LEVEL RIGHT AWAY WILL APPEASE YOUR HUMILIATE-KARKAT URGES, OR MAYBE MY BRAIN WILL JUST PREEMPTIVELY DRIBBLE OUT OF MY EARS LEAVING YOU WITH NOTHING TO TOY WITH. WIN-WIN!

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo.

AC: :33 < *the excited pouncellor bounds in and lands on karkitty's head*

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: *TH3 M4J3ST1C DR4GON L4NDS ON K4RK4T'S B4CK 4ND CRUSH3S H1M TO TH3 GROUND*  
CG: HA HA. I GUESS I'M DEAD AND DON'T HAVE TO TALK IN THIS STUPID MEMO ANY MORE, YAY.  
AC: :33 < but you're the one who opened it, silly!  
CG: ARE WE DONE?  
CG: CAN WE TALK ABOUT OUR ACTUAL BUSINESS NOW WITHOUT ANY MORE METAPHORICAL VIOLENCE TO MY LAST FEW SHARDS OF DIGNITY?  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor confurs with the majestic dragon*  
AC: :33 < *she has plenty of time to play today!*  
AC: :33 < *because conquering this planet has been sooo boring and we can't go drinking until 0100 at least*  
GC: *TH3 M4J3ST1C DR4GON PUFFS SMOK3 THOUGHTFULLY*  
CG: DAMMIT.  
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 W3 C4N L1ST3N TO YOU F1RST 4ND ROL3PL4Y 4FT3R  
GC: 1 4M NOT 1N TH3 MOOD FOR 4 HOST1L3 W1TN3SS R1GHT NOW  
AC: :33 < lies!  
AC: :33 < you are always in that mood  
AC: :33 < you like hostile witnesses the best  
GC: H33H33  
AC: :33 < *purrs for the excellent laugh*  
GC: TH3R3 1S SOM3TH1NG TO B3 S41D FOR SUGG3ST1VE 1NT3RROG4T1ON  
CG: OH MY COD CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE ONE YIFF-FREE MEETING.  
AC: :33 < *pounces upon the fish pun gleefully*  
GC: SOM3ON3 H4S B33N SP3ND1NG T1M3 W1TH OUR FUTUR3 3MPR3SS!  
CG: YES, THAT IS KIND OF THE POINT OF THE BUSINESS WHICH I AM TRYING TO IMPART HERE.  
CG: ALTHOUGH WHY THE FUCK SHE KEEPS MAKING ME BE THE POINT OF CONTACT I HAVE NO IDEA.

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo.

TA: you were the only 2uckerfiish who diidn't call not iit.

twinArmageddons [TA] banned himself from responding to the memo.

GC: YOU JUST JUST T3LL US WH4T TH3 D34L 1S  
CG: ASSUMING I CAN GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE AROUND BOTH YOUR ROLEPLAYING AND THE VOMIT SPONTANEOUSLY WELLING UP IN MY MOUTH EVERY TIME I HAVE TO READ MORE OF IT.  
AC: :33 < that's not furry nice!  
CG: WELL, FURRIES ARE NOT NICE TO-- ARGH! NEVERMIND!  
CG: LOOK, WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO GET A MESSAGE OUT TO A BUNCH OF REBELS ON PLANET 100413, WHICH IS FUCKING COINCIDENTALLY THE PLANET WHICH YOU TWO BASSHOLES ARE CONQUERING RIGHT NOW

twinArmageddons [TA] unbanned himself from responding to the memo.

TA: coiinciidentally, sure

twinArmageddons [TA] banned himself from responding to the memo.

CG: DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ON THIS JOB, SOLLUX? BECAUSE I WILL LEAVE YOU TO THE CAT- AND DRAGON-WRANGLING DUTY WITH A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING SONG IN MY HEART THE LIKES OF WHICH WOULD BRINGS TEARS TO THE EYES OF TROLL SIMON COWELL.  
CG: NO? I DIDN'T THINK SO.  
CG: JUST GET THE GREEN MOUNTAIN TROLLS THESE NEW CODES BY THE END OF THE PERIGEE.  
CG:  https://tiinyurl.com/22honlycodesnow   
CG: *THE FED-UP CONSPIRATOR THROWS DOWN THE SECRET MESSAGE AND RUNS AWAY*

carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to the memo.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] unbanned himself from responding to the memo.

CG: UGH, JUST GIVE ME SOME CONFIRMATION HERE SO I CAN TELL HER IMPERIAL HIGHNESS THAT IT'S TAKEN CARE OF.  
AC: :33 < *scoops up the message in her mouth and flicks her tail saucily*  
CG: ...CLOSE ENOUGH.  
CG: THANKS, GOOD LUCK, DON'T DIE AND ALL THAT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to the memo.

AC: :33 < *enthusiastically bounces over to the dragon and starts to climb*  
GC: 4CTU4LLY, 1F 1 4M GO1NG TO M33T UP W1TH TH3S3 R3B3LS 1 N33D TO GO ST4RT L4Y1NG SOM3 GROUNDWORK NOW  
AC: :33 < *gasps*  
AC: :33 < are you going to use the fancy hat again?  
GC: OH Y3S. S4NGU1N3 R1D3S 4G41N!   
GC: C|>:]  
GC: C|> :]  
GC: C|>:]


	3. Nepeta: Tell your moirail the good news

Ugh, he is going to be so irritating about it! He hates it when you go off on these missions without him, but after The Disaster on Planet 33333 you are definitely not going to take him on any stealth missions ever, ever, ever again.

Maybe you can just get your kit ready to go and let the corporal pass the orders along. He'll surely understand what it means if there's been a sighting of Sanguine around here! That pesky rebel keeps getting away from the legislacerators sent to catch her; it only makes sense to try sending a ruffiannihilator this time.

> In fact, just skip ahead to the part where you're on the way


	4. In fact, just skip ahead to the part where you're on the way

You love your moirail, but sometimes it's nice to get away from his meddling for a little while. He does go on about things like dignity and safety regulations and not wearing a meowbeast tail all of the time.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> You are not to do anything f001ish.  
AC: :33 < i just left!  
CT: D --> Neophyte Halfpint Huntress.  
AC: :33 < bluh bluh mister bigshot adjutant gearhoof.  
AC: :33 < you can't furbid me from following orders!  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I would never tell you that.  
AC: :33 < s33!  
CT: D --> Our flaysquad has this area pacified. I could accompany you.  
AC: :33 < not after last time!  
CT: D --> There's no need to bring up the  
CT: D --> Fiddlesticks  
CT: D --> Nepeta.  
CT: D --> Be careful.  
AC: :33 < you be careful! careful not to die of boredom while i'm having fun!  
CT: D --> This is not reassuring.

> Nepeta: Track down Sanguine


	5. Nepeta: Track down Sanguine

Your imperial orders are to track down Sanguine, but your _other_ imperial orders are to get these codes to the local cell of Feferi's growing imperial court-to-be. (You try not to call it a rebellion. Equius would never be a rebel, but he would certainly support his future empress. Bluh, but it's easier than arguing and you suppose it's actually true, too.)

You don't know what to make of the part of your imperial orders, the first set, which tell you to work with Neophyte Legislacerator Redflame in order to catch Sanguine and anytroll in cahoots thereof. This is confusing because, as far as you know, Neophyte Redflame and Sanguine are both Terezi. As Sanguine she wears a hat. It is, granted, a very impressive hat, but as a disguise it only passes muster in the pervasive imperial monitoring of every troll's life because of the flip side of the empire's massive surveillance which is the persistent bureaucratic inability to notice anything outside of the standard checkboxes. (This makes Sollux sob palely on anyone logged into trollian at odd hours. Sollux and Aradia and Karkat are part of Feferi's inner circle now, which made your shipping wall go a bit crosshatched for a while.)

It is nice to be out of the city for a while. You breathe deeply, orienting yourself to the new scents in the dirt and dead leaves and prey markings. Every planet smells different -- and all of them smell better than your barracks aboard the ship, which is to say, definitely less gross than your sweaty moirail in close quarters for perigees -- but every planet with forests has the same patterns. You enjoy sorting them out when you are deployed somewhere new. You're starting to get the hang of city patterns too, which is good since it's cities that you're generally supposed to pacify, but you feel pleasingly at home surrounded by trees, even alien trees. Maybe especially alien trees, since they come in new and pretty colors sometimes. Planet #100413's trees are mostly dark grey and maroon with the occasional bright red or turquoise flower, and the prey beasts bleed a green a bit paler than your own. So far the beasts have not impressed you; you were warned about giant sabre-toothed rats, but so far none of them have been more than twice your size and you're still awfully short so that's not very giant at all. You've seen pictures of some majestic beasts with hooves and dark blue horns which make your moirail happy, but they aren't forest beasts.

Terezi left a trail for you of extra-bright shreds of flowers between the trees: a petal leading up a tree, a half-open bud hooked over a dead branch, and once a whole flower next to the lair of a medium sabre-toothed rat. You're pretty sure it's Terezi, since it seems like a trail she'd make, but for all of your online playing you haven't spent much time in actual woods with her. You're looking forward to catching up to her and finding out if she's Sanguine or Redflame! At the same time, though, you don't want to rush through this job and head back to your flaysquad before you've really had time to enjoy your woodland stroll. So most of the night is over by the time you hear the sounds of a fight ahead.

The crack of a rifle is fairly distinctive, and you hunker flat against the trunk of the tree you're in. Riflekind is easy to learn and cheap to produce, so the military churns out a lot of poor markstrolls in its lower ranks. You have riflekind in your strife specibus yourself now, although you like to think you're a decent shot with it. Because so many military deserters are still carrying their service riflekinds, you often find it the weapon of choice in the rebel bands that you contact for Feferi; one rifle can be passed around several trolls the way one bow or one lance might not. If anyone else from your reaplatoon was going to be ordered to this forest Gearhoof would have warned you, so it's probably the rebels and they're probably firing at Redflame.

Under your breath you mutter several words you learned from drinking with threshecutioners. Then you get down to the serious business of sneaking closer to the fighting. You equip your clawkind, uniformicize better sneaking garb, and double-check the captchalogue card with your copies of the codes. Then you scamper for all you're worth.

> Nepeta: Advance


	6. Nepeta: Advance

This particular band of rebels is unexpectedly based exactly where military intelligence said they were, which doesn't bode well for their longevity if you can't get them these updated codes! They appear to be defending the territory well, though, as they've just captured a legislacerator. You don't know what happened to Terezi's fancy hat, but you do know what will happen to Terezi's fancy head if you leave her there.

This poses a problem.

However, now that you have gotten close enough in to see where the guards patrol and the civvies hang out, you have a solution. 

This solution is your bazookakind.

> Nepeta: Aggrieve


	7. Nepeta: Aggrieve

Bazookakind: equipped.  
Nonlethal target: acquired.  
Uniform beret: jauntily repositioned.

Yes, hell fucking yes, you sure do love your bazooka.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < point to me!  
CT: D --> What foalishness are you e%pounding now?  
AC: :33 < this group of "lazy" "deserters" just rolled up a twenty-troll base and marched out in 413 seconds while under attack.  
AC: :33 < i timed them carefurly!  
AC: :33 < when was the last time our reaplatoon moved that fast under official orders?  
AC: :33 < *ac licks her whiskers smugly*  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Are you injured?  
AC: :33 < no, silly! they didn't even s33 me once.  
AC: :33 < *ac stretches her paws out and admires her claws*  
CT: D --> Your orders were to assist this militia.  
AC: :33 < they needed to move anyway! they were still at the location that my ruffiannihilator orders said they'd be!  
CT: D --> I believe that is a point to me, then.  
CT: D --> Assuming we were doing anything so crass as keeping points, which we are not.  
AC: :33 < we are, though!  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < phooey on you, anyway! the fire's mostly gone out. i'm going to go rescue terezi.  
AC: :33 < *the graceful-in-victory feline leaps out of the tr33 and vanishes*  
CT: D --> Fire?

arsenicCatnip [AC] is now an idle troll

CT: D --> This is e%tremely ve%ing.

> Nepeta: Rescue Terezi.


	8. Nepeta: Rescue Terezi.

Terezi is bound to the central pillar of the jailstem like the heroine on the cover of one of those novels that's sopping wet as soon as your moirail picks it up. Her legislacerator uniform is even rather artfully disheveled, showing bare smooth skin from one shoulder to halfway down her thorax.

When you kick down the door and stride in, she takes a deep breath and then grins toothily at you, which raises her sexiness quotient from HELLO TROLL-SAILOR right up to WAS YOUR LUSUS A STAR THIEF. You grin back and hope it does the same for you.

"I thought it might be you trolls when I heard a noise like a flaysquad of trunkbeasts was attacking!" Terezi says. "I suppose I can let the ruffiannihilators take some of the credit this time."

"Just one ruffiannihilator," you tell her as you walk around the pillar to observe the view. The view of the shacklegrubs, not of Terezi. Mostly.

"We're alone?" she says.

"Nobody here but us kitties," you say. "And a couple of rock-hard shacklegrubs."

"Excuse me, I am a noble and fierce dragon," the noble and fierce dragon bound to the pillar says. "Also, I did deliver the codes to Fomenter Vertmont before circling back around to give them a little more urgency about using them."

"We should do a run through before we go to make sure they didn't leave anything behind besides a noble and fierce damsel in distress," you say. You chip carefully at the shacklegrubs, but they are thoroughly bonded to the material of the pillar. "Since they did leave when I gave them some actual urgency about moving along. I'm going to have to dissolve these grubs. How were you planning to get out of here if I hadn't shown up?"

Terezi shrugs, which is nearly pornographic from your current angle. "I planned for you to show up. And here you are!" she says. Distracted by the bared curves of her thorax, you almost miss this frankly astonishing statement of trust. Terezi is completely dependent on you right now, completely at your mercy, and _she planned it that way on purpose_.

You force your hands to finish the job they started, which was applying the grub solvent to the heads of the shacklegrubs. "You'll be out of there in about forty-three minutes," you say.

"Oh, whatever shall we do until then?" Terezi asks you. This time she twists around to stare almost directly at you, which pulls her uniform off of the other shoulder.

You lick your lips. Then you lip your lips again, because a proper cat has two mouths. Then you equip your claws and lacerate the rest of Terezi's jacket so that her thorax is completely nude. "The gallant feline knows a lot of fun games to pass the time," you inform her.

"The mighty dragon deigns to play along," Terezi retaliates coolly, but you can see that this dragon is already a bit breathless.

You lean against her and nibble at her collar struts. She tastes a little bit like rocket fuel residue and powdered brick, but mostly good. "The mightier feline nips reproving at the cheeky dragon," you murmur.

Terezi wiggles. "You don't have to narrate if I know what you're doing!" she says.

You bite down a little harder, then let go and narrate, "The mightiest feline is going to continue to punish her prisoner if she keeps being insolent."

Terezi wiggles more emphatically and whines, "The immeasurably mighty dragon wonders if the punishment is supposed to be the love bites or the buttoned-up ruffiannihilator uniform hiding the lovely feline from interested snouts."

She has a point; your uniform is, as you've been told, exceedingly proper garb. And the dragon _is_ making her request correctly. You pull back a bit and turn most of your uniformicizer off. Your barktags, of course, never shut off, but you also keep your beret because it is jaunty and your boots because the floor here is all gritty with the rubble you left behind.

The dragon breathes in deeply and licks her lips with a sharp tongue.

> Nepeta: Be the indomitable feline. Bite the dragon again.


	9. Nepeta: Be the indomitable feline. Bite the dragon again.

You are definitely the purrbeast. It is you.

You close one set of jaws gently around the dragon's neck and hold her there. You've never taken a dragon prisoner before, but you know they are vicious and cunning creatures and you mustn't let up for a moment. You lick the soft skin of her neck with your coarse tongue and suck hard, carefully not biting, until the dragon squeaks. You lift that mouth up and blow her a kiss, then bite down with your other mouth right over the bruised scales already coming up teal.

"The grandiose dragon is very -- ow! -- pleased with this reward from the generous feline," the dragon gasps. "Mmm. Chhhrrrrr. Oh!"

The eager feline licks her way up to the dragon's earspine and suckles hotly at it, then gnaws a playful path down the dragon's neck and along her belly scales. She finds it tricky at first to keep the two-bite rhythm going when you only have one mouth, but she has plenty of motivation and a few tricks of her own up her paws. The dragon doesn't react much to whisker-tickles, which is sad, but growls and rumbles excessively for the lightest touch of claws.

A trickle of dragon blood soaks into the fabric wrapped around the dragon's hips, frustrating the hungry feline who was licking it up. She grabs the fabric in one mouth and bites down, whipping her head back and forth to loosen it. Her teeth shear through the material and the feline rips it apart eagerly. Her claws free the noble dragon from the last of its confines as the dragon kicks her hind legs out helpfully, leaning back on her forelegs and wings which are still imprisoned. The dragon has plenty more fabric where that came from and is enjoying having her legs bare, according to the narration.

The ferocious feline sticks her whiskers between the dragon's hind legs and find that the dragon's whip-thin bulge is already flicking outward. She just has to close one of her mouths around it and flick back with her rough tongue. Underneath the bulge the lips of the dragon's nook are already swollen and sticky with pre-slurry. The feline turns her attention from the dragon's bulge to her nook for long enough to lap it clean, then resumes licking back and forth across her bulge. The dragon growls and wraps her hind legs around the feline's shoulders to hold her in place for the bulgeplay, but the cunning feline wriggles herself enough room to get her other mouth on the dragon's nook and once again lick up all of the stickiness before she returns to her focus on the dragon's bulge. She'd like to use both of her tongues at once but she can't quite manage it, because--

Because she doesn't want to, of course! She's enjoying teasing the dragon too much. Cats sure are mischievous beasts and no matter how much dragons growl and squirm cats sure don't do what anyone tells them to do! The roguish feline licks and licks and licks, savoring the delicate skin of the dragon's bulge and the delicious fluids of the dragon's nook, until the dragon roars out so loudly that she nearly shakes more rubble down on them. The lips of the dragon's nook quiver but she holds back a gush of slurry by the skin of her pointy teeth, the breathless narration indicates.

The beguiling feline's own nook is quite damp already even though her cute little bulge has been thrashing in nothing but empty air this whole time. In fact, her nook is perhaps too sticky with pre-slurry to let any true slurry out! That's easy to fix, though; the intrepid feline digs her claws into the pillar and climbs up until her hindquarters are level with the panting dragon's maw. She rocks her hips suggestively and the dragon lunges straight for her nook. The long reptilian tongue digs in and rasps the lips of the feline's nook, making her shiver from ears to tail. Pinpricks of sensation join in as the dragon nips at the vulnerable skin around her nook and she yowls, barely remembering to sheathe her claws on one paw before grabbing at the dragon's horns. The dragon's tongue flicks upward and encircles the feline's bulge momentarily, and the overwhelmed feline pushes off of the dragon's shoulders and backflips to the floor again.

Heaving in a thoraxful of air, she lets the dragon strain mightily against her bonds. The powerful dragon is still helpless before the puissant feline! She must bow her proud neck and beg before the gracious feline will raise her muzzle to that snout for a passionate kiss. The dragon tastes of victory and lust, and the feline presses closer to deepen the kiss as she eases their bodies together, thorax to thorax, bulge to bulge, nook to nook. The dragon's bulge immediately hooks itself around the feline's bulge and pulls, and the feline mewls into the dragon's mouth and rocks her hips upward into the burst of pleasure. As their bulges tug them into position, the soft edges of their nooks bind together until every undulation of their bodies sends a pinch of ecstasy through them both.

The dragon pulls free of their kiss and tips her head back as a moaning roar builds in her thorax. Even without a narration, the enraptured feline knows that the dragon is going to reach her climax soon and she pumps her hips eagerly, caterwauling shamelessly as she bounds toward her own orgasm. The dragon bellows first, flames bursting around them as she floods their connected nooks with her slurry, and the surge of thick fluid into her nook makes the feline screech with delight. She rides the sensations eagerly into her climax, both of them shuddering as the feline's slurry gushes into their already stretched nooks. The dragon's abdomen swells with their mix, but there is plenty of fluid remaining to flow in through the feline's slowly relaxing seedflap. 

The quivering feline rests her head against the dragon's shoulder. It takes a minute for their bodies to unstick. When you pull back from the dragon, a small splash of seagreen slurry mix paints her thighs but the rest of it is held tightly inside the two of you. Terezi sighs and flexes her arms and the weakened shacklegrubs crumble away. She groans and stretches out her arms in front of her.

> Sated feline: Be the ruffiannihilator. Finish rescuing Terezi.


	10. Sated feline: Be the ruffiannihilator. Finish rescuing Terezi.

"That was _so pawesome_ ," you tell Terezi. You adjust the jaunty angle of your beret, uniformicize a clean set of fatigues, and lick your hands to scrub your face clean.

"I agree!" Terezi says, and she looks at you challengingly -- oh, she's waiting to see if you want her to keep narrating.

"I need a minute to recover," you say. "I don't think I can roleplay again right away!"

Terezi grins. "Now I know what it takes!" she says. "This is very useful information."

You smile back and watch admiringly as she decaptchalogues fresh clothes and dons them by hand. It's just a standard set of legislacerator dress blacks with teal piping, but she makes it look good. She also decaptchalogues an elaborate gamblignant's bicorne complete with customized horn slots and a fluffy cherry red feather.

"Is that the hat?" you ask.

"This is the hat," she confirms, licking the tip of the plume. "I love this hat. Sanguine has a much tastier wardrobe than Legislacerator Redflame." She recaptchalogues it with a sigh and tugs her jacket down. "Modern uniforms are so drab! At least you ruffiannihilators can earn sparkly medals to spice them up a little."

"Yeah!" you say, and then droop as you remember. "Not that I'll earn much for this mission, since everyone got away."

"That was our real mission!" Terezi reminds you. "Well done with the bazooka, by the way. Let's go sniff out anything interesting that got left behind."

You lean in and kiss her on the cheek. "I like your games!" you say quickly and then bound out of the remains of the jailstem, your face hot and green.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC].

GC: 1 US3D TO TH1NK TH4T NON-F4T4L ROL3PL4Y W4S JUST FR1VOLOUS  
GC: BUT NOW TH4T 1 UNDERST4ND TH4 ST4K3S  
GC: 1 L1K3 YOUR G4M3S TOO!  
GC: <3  
AC: :33 < <33

arsenicCatnip [AC] is now a blushing troll

> Nepeta: Give a mission report


	11. Nepeta: Give a mission report

arsenicCatnip [AC] opened secure memo  *pounces on fun and rolls around in it* on board  DEFINITELY NOT TR--EASON

AC: :33 < *the victorious manebeast stands atop the green mountain and roars*

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.

CG: NOT TO BELABOR THE OBVIOUS HERE, BUT WEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING THEM?  
AC: :33 < *ac did help them!*  
AC: :33 < *ac points out that they needed to move their base immediately and she was just facilitating this*  
CG: AND I SUPPOSE OPENING UP YOUR TOOTH ORIFICE AND SAYING THAT WITH WORDS WAS TOO MUCH TROUBLE?  
CG: WHO THE FUCK AM I TALKING TO, OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T USE WORDS.  
CG: I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED THAT MY PAST SELF'S THINKSPONGE DID NOT ACTUALLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST FROM THE BLISTERING HEAT OF ITS OWN STUPIDITY.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: YOU SHOULD S3ND US ON MOR3 M1SS1ONS TOG3TH3R. TH1S W4S FUN!  
AC: :33 < fun and games!  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY G4M3S.  
AC: :33 < *ac playfully licks the mighty dragon*  
CG: IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME WAY I DIDN'T HAVE TO HEAR THIS.  
CG: OH WAIT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to the memo.

GC: TH3 F34RSOM3 DR4GON SHOWS OFF H3R T33TH FOR TH3 GR34T M4N3B34ST  
GC: 4LON3 4T L4ST!  
AC: :33 < *ac rumbles out the loudest purr ever around her own fangs*

carcinoGeneticist [CG] unbanned himself from responding to the memo.

CG: THIS IS AN OFFICIAL MEMO. GET A RESPITEBLOCK ALREADY.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned  arsenicCatnip [AC] from responding to the memo.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned  gallowsCalibrator [GC] from responding to the memo.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to the memo.


End file.
